Tim Tebow Facts

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

If you spell Tim Tebow in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Tim Tebow has breathed on.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tim Tebow.

When Tim Tebow does division, there are no remainders.

One time, Tim Tebow accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Tim Tebow can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Tim Tebow never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Tim Tebow’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Tim Tebow CAN in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with one hand.

Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Tim Tebow’s kindergarten class.

Tim Tebow can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Tim Tebow doesn’t have blood. He is filled with magma.

Tim Tebow uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

When Tim Tebow was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow can sneeze with his eyes open.

Tim Tebow let the dogs out.

Tim Tebow once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

Tim Tebow can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Tim Tebow make onions CRY!!!

In the beginning there was nothing…then Tim Tebow stiff armed that nothing in the head and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.

Tim Tebow doesnt break wind…….thats the air crapping all over itself trying to get out of Tebow’s way..

Killing Tim Tebow doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Tim Tebow doesn’t do pushups, he pushes the earth down.

Tim Tebow’s tears cure cancer, to bad he’s never cried.

If Tim Tebow was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Tim Tebow spared your life.

Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Tim Tebow says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.

Tim Tebow once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Tim Tebow counted to infinity – twice.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Tim Tebow. Sounds like a fair fight.

Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Tim Tebow does not feel like carrying you.

Tim Tebow was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Tim Tebow lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.

Tim Tebow once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Tim Tebow is, in fact, still alive.

Tim Tebow is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Tim Tebow doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Tim Tebow was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Tim Tebow killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Simon Says should be renamed to Tim Tebow Says because if Tim Tebow says something then you better do it.

Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When Tim Tebow pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Tim Tebow’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Tim Tebow can make him drink.

Tim Tebow can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Tim Tebow.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Tim Tebow”.

In 96 hours, Tim Tebow has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Tim Tebow less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.

Tim Tebow killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Tim Tebow killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Tim Tebow’s blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Tim Tebow kills people.

If Tim and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Tim would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Tim Tebow, you’re freaking dead.”

Tim Tebow literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Tim Tebow signal.

It took Tim Tebow two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

If Tim Tebow was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Tim Tebow was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Tim Tebow, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

Tim Tebow’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

The Titanic is reported to have sunk due to hitting an iceberg. To the contrary, Tim Tebow was having his morning swim in the North Atlantic when the Titanic strayed off course and headed straight for him. Tebow stiff armed the ship back on course and… well you know what happened…

Tim Tebow does not cry. He pummels tears out of would-be tacklers to use as his own.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Tim Tebow. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

When Tim Tebow pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.Simon Says should be renamed to Tim Tebow Says because if Tim Tebow says something then you better do it.

When Tim Tebow was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Tim Tebow. Sounds like a fair fight.

Tim Tebow once stiff-armed a horse. That animal became what is now known as the giraffe.

Tim Tebow is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Tim Tebow’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Tim Tebow can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Tim Tebow doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Tim Tebow gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Tim Tebow is the reason Waldo is hiding

When Tim Tebow wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

When taking the SAT, write ‘Tim Tebow’ for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

Tim Tebow once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Tim Tebow once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They almost made him blink.

Tim Tebow can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

When last year’s UF v. UT was aired in France, the French surrendered to Tim Tebow just to be on the safe side.

The chief export of Tim Tebow is Pain.

The Abrahms tank was originally called the Tebow tank until Tim Tebow decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Tim Tebow, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been bad-ass enough to be named after Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow can dribble a football.

Tim Tebow is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Tim Tebow was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a stiffarm.

Tim Tebow has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Tim Tebow does not love Raymond.

Tim Tebow can lick his own elbows. At the same time.

Tim Tebow can kick start a car.

Tim Tebow doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

Tim Tebow puts his pants on 2 legs at a time!

Tim Tebow gets called for roughing the tackler.

When Tebow spikes the ball, he strikes oil.

People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Tim Tebow called Geico. In 15 minutes, he got 100% off his car insurance, because nobody can run Tim Tebow over.